The Reality of Dreams and Nightmares
by standoutme
Summary: As a brother and a best friend dies, two people lean on each other to get through the tragedy. However, figuring out what is real and what is not, soon becomes Rose Weasley's biggest pursuit as she fights to keep parts of both realities with her. Rose x Fred


Reality. It was a strange thing, a complicated thing to try to understand. Rose Weasley could not seem to grasp it. Her entire world was turned upside down, ruined. Her brother had died, and not only that, it was a choice he had made himself. It was unimaginable. There weren't words to explain how much she loved her brother, and the only people she could ever imagine being hurt more than her by Hugo's actions, were her parents. To them, it didn't even seem as if she existed anymore. She didn't blame them though, she too, would do anything to bring Hugo back, although she knew that was impossible. Nothing would ever bring her little-brother back, and she could not begin to explain the pain that caused her.

There was only one person who seemed to understand her, who understood her suffering, and who shared it. Fred and Hugo had always been best friends, for as long as Rose could remember. Since they were also cousins, they had known each other since birth, and she had never known the friendship the two of them had shared. In a way, it seemed as if that friendship had been transferred to her, now that her brother was gone. Fred and Hugo had always mocked her, and never ever let her be part of what they were doing. Which perhaps wasn't very surprising, seeing that the two of them were nearly two years younger than her. Since she was born in November, and the two of them were both born in the spring, she had always been one year above them at Hogwarts, and always been having to stand having them close in the Gryffindor common room. Before, she had always seen it as a curse, but now she couldn't help but to praise every moment she had ever spent with her brother.

She would soon be eighteen, and leave Hogwarts to decide what to do with the rest of her life, but that thought was poisonous, since her brother would never get to do what he had always dreamed of. Hugo had always had it all figured out. He was going to become an auror, like his father, but that was never something that Rose had wanted to pursue. Right now she didn't feel like doing anything with her life, she didn't even feel like going back to Hogwarts. What did she need those pitiful gazes for? No one at school would ever understand what she was going through, well.. no one but Fred. He hadn't said much the last couple of days, not much at all. But he had said one thing, that he felt all alone in this world, without the friend who had always been like a brother to him. She reckoned that made sense, they had been very much like brothers, although Fred had never been like a brother to her. Since she had never been included in their games and tricks, she had never really known her brother's best friend until now. Now that she was all that reminded him of Hugo, and he was all that reminded her of Hugo. And the friendship that grew between the two of them was the only thing that was ever going to get them through this tragedy.

* * *

And just like that, with the blink of an eye, it was all gone. With no idea how it had happened, Rose woke up in her dorm, at Hogwarts, a thousand times relieved that it had just been a dream, but still not sure if a dream could ever feel so real. It had to have been a dream, but still, she had to make sure of it. She had to see her brother, whom she had cried for in her sleep. Desperate, the girl found herself running to the boys' dorm-rooms, knocking on the door until her tall redhead of a brother opened the door, looking like he hadn't slept for days. Of course she threw herself in his arms, like she only did their father, and embraced the fact that her brother was still alive. "I had a horrible nightmare, I just needed to make sure you were safe," she said, finding herself in tears. Hugo must've been surprised, seeing his sister act like that. Rose wasn't normally very emotional, she was quite a cold girl, a determined one. And they had never had that sibling-bond that the Potters had, but somehow, Hugo understood his sister in that moment, and held her as if he was the older one. As if he was the one to protect his sibling, because it seemed necessary at the moment, and he would never let his family down.

It was terrifying how quickly things could change. Moments ago she had woken up from the most horrible nightmare, from the most horrible reality, and she had come back to this. The most undramatic reality there was. Sure, considering that her mother had been raised a muggle, it was quite extraordinary that she was a witch, that she went to Hogwarts and learnt new spells every day. But this was her everyday life. It had been like this for as long as she could remember, the only problem was that it had felt the exact same way in her dream, like it was all she had ever known, and she couldn't recall when she had actually went to sleep. She had to have been very tired. Throwing the confusion away like a piece of paper, she kept on living her undramatic everyday life, still thriving over the fact that she got to see her brother every break, and still wondering what her dream had meant. She was scared something might happen to Hugo, afraid that someone, or something might take him away from her. But as the day passed, she started feeling safe again, it had been nothing but a dream, and Hugo seemed perfectly fine, and happy for that matter. There was nothing to worry about, nothing but the night and the darkness that came with it.

* * *

It was like dreaming in a dream, waking up every morning not knowing whether you were awake or still sleeping. Rose couldn't remember what was real anymore. Somehow it made sense that she would cling on to the one person who shared her pain, holding him so close, scared that he too would leave her. Holding him so tightly that she couldn't bring herself to let go as they fell to the ground in a pile of hopelessness. And it was incredible what that could do to her, having him holding her together, pressed to the ground so that she wouldn't scream, break things or fall apart. He kept her from going places that wouldn't do her any good. And then, out of nowhere, or perhaps out of the thoughts going through both of their minds, his lips were on hers, as pressed towards them as his body on hers where they both lie broken on the ground.

Even though it absolutely wasn't, it sure felt like everything she'd ever wanted. But she had never thought of him in that way, not until that one moment, and it did make sense. The two of them, sharing their pain, sharing everything. In a time where she cared about things, which she had completely given up on by now, she would've thought it was wrong, she would've stopped herself from kissing him back, from pulling him towards herself, but she simply couldn't. It was as if she had lost all desire to live, all things that made life worth living, and he had given her a whole new reason.

Every day the absence got worse, it was the day of the funeral, and the fact that Hugo wasn't there was eating her up from the inside. The only little pieces of him she had left were memories, memories and Fred. He reminded her of Hugo so much, he laughed at the sort of things Hugo would've laughed at, and he made the same kind of offensive jokes. He didn't seem just as torn anymore, but perhaps she wasn't either. She didn't know if they were healing each other or just making it worse. It was so hard to tell what was pain and what was.. signs of happiness. She felt guilty being happy, considering her brother had been so sad. She should've known. Fred should've known. How couldn't he? He spent every day with her brother, and he had to have known. Those little speculations, the small things that made her feel a little bit less guilty, was what led them into their first fight since Hugo had died.

Looking a mess, with her black dress halfway on and her makeup smudged all over her face, she screamed at him, for once feeling something else than the overwhelming pain. Burying herself in the anger, she yelled, threw punches at him, which wasn't much of a success since he was much taller, and well.. stronger, and put all the blame on him. "It is all your fault! You knew! You knew he was miserable, you could've helped him! You could've told me!" Of course it was all for nothing, at least it didn't lead to any good. Fred seemed to believe every word she said, and despite his tall body towering in front of her, he appeared a small boy again, as he crawled into his own little shell of self destruction, wondering if he really had killed his best friend.


End file.
